3 Doulas

Why I Love the Dads and Support Partners!!.

 

By Jenny Gillespie

 

 

I am a certified childbirth educator.  I teach private classes, group classes, I volunteer at a pregnancy clinic and also at a maternity home in my neighborhood in Venice, CA. Once a month, on a Saturday, I teach an all-day intensive class in a hospital in Orange County. 

I have been a labor support doula for over 10 years now, and am new to formally teaching, but i really love it.  I especially love the dads and partners who accompany women to these classes.  At times they find themselves out of their comfort zone, as the topics are not necessarily beer-in-hand conversations.  But at the end of the day, dads-to-be and partners leave the class with a new-found respect and admiration for the women carrying their babies.

My all day intensive in the OC is long.  It lasts from 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM, and i cover all aspects of labor and delivery.  About 12 to 14 couples attend these classes.

The class is set up in a U shape, and in the back of the room is a long table with juice, water, coffee, tea, bagels, and muffins.  Upon their arrival, couples look a little apprehensive as they case the room, and the funny thing is that every time it's the same scenario: the early birds always sit as far away from me as possible.  The front seats  remain free until the last two couples have arrived, and then the dads have this horrified look on their faces as they realize they will be seated right in front of me!

As an icebreaker, after i have introduced myself, I have each couple introduce the couple seated next to them.  I give the class about 5 minutes or so, to get acquainted, and then we go around the room.  It's the most fun of the whole day: the room buzzes with "hi, I'm John and this is my wife Kathy," or "no way! That's our same due date!"  I hear "wow, a girl! How cute! Her name is Desiree?  Aaawwwww."  The room feels warmer, more friendly, almost comfortable.  We make a tally of how many girls are expected, how many boys, and how many surprises.  The first topic is GBS testing (first letter in girl, boy, surprise!).

In class, I cover the labor process, pain management techniques, breathing and relaxation, and i show a movie or two.  Some topics leave little to the imagination.

At first, there is a short anatomy lesson.  We fill out a diagram and go over the important stuff:

• How women's breasts get larger in preparation for lactation (faces redden a little)
• How the uterus grows ("wow, it gets THAT big?)
• What is a cervix (can i use it in Scrabble?)
• The birth canal (AKA the vagina)
• Why there is the mucus plug.  Collective gasp from the dads.  "The mucus what?"  The shy Dad in the back of the room slowly raises his hand, clears his throat, and asks, "hmmmmm...so what do we DO with it?" "Noth
  ing," I reply, "just flush it."  I tell the class it can be released when there is cervical change.  Some women see it, some women don't.  The whole room breathes a sigh of relief.
• What happens to mom's bladder "It's definitely compromised," I say.  "No kidding," responds a dad, who looks around and adds, "whenever we go anywhere, she's already already checked out where the rest room is."
• I finish up with the rectum.  I mention that a sign of pre-labor could be diarrhea.  The bowels empty in preparation for the birth of the baby.  "The pushing part of labor," I continue, "feels like pooping out a grapefruit."  "Oh, no!"  Noses wrinkle, moms look embarrassed, dads cough and look at the ceiling, and everyone's position shifts a little. 

Ok.  Break time

After the lunch break, the couples come back revitalized, and we go over breathing and relaxing techniques.  I will also have birthing scenarios and will often get a volunteer dad to help me out.  The reason why I love the dads and partners so much, is that they earnestly participate in the class.  They start out a little shy and reluctant to jump in, but by the end of the day, they are way more open, eager to practice the breathing and relaxation, and leave high-fiving and congratulating each other!  I love it!

 

 



 

 

 

We've Come a Long Way baby

By jenny Gillespie

Ok, so most of you reading this probably don't remember ever seeing the slogan for the Virginia Slims add campaign: "You've Come a Long Way Baby!".  Well that slogan comes to mind when I think of how far hospital births have come.... 

Gone are the days when newborns were whisked away from their mothers and taken to the nursery so that mom "can rest".  Babies would inevitably be brought back to mom with a tell tale milk mustache, and I am not talking breastmilk!  Twenty five years ago, the nurseries were packed with babies all lined up by the viewng window so that proud dads could show off baby to visiting family and friends.  Today the nurseries look deserted, they are quiet, why?  because baby is with mom, where she belongs.

Gone are the days...

Ok, I am jumping ahead of myself here, I want to go back a step to Labor and Delivery.

Twenty five years ago, when my first baby was born the delivery room was a very different place from what it is today.  A lot has changed since then, and as a doula for over ten years I welcome those changes..Things aren't perfect, but they are much better!

Some differences between then and now:

Then..If I"d hired a doula, the nurse would have told her to wait in the parent's lounge!  "It's too crowded in here! mom doesn't need you, I am here, I have done this for 30 years, she's in good hands"

Now.. "Oh I see you have a doula, hi there! let me show you where the ice machine is" (some things will never change).

Then..If I had given the nurse my birth preferences (typed up on my manual type writer), her response would have been :" Pffft, you don't need this, I KNOW exactly what you need, now hop into bed and be a good girl, I'll be right back with the enema..."

Now.. "Ok these are your preferences right?  Let's go over these together"

Then.. The nurse's response to my tentative attempt at bending the rules: "walk around, oh no no that is absolutely out of the question... a shower, well our delivery rooms don't have those, you should have taken one at home"

Now.. The response goes something like " Let's see how everything goes...Does dad have trunks?  We don't like seeing naked dads around here!  too scary!!"

Then.. The nurse takes baby and says: "I'll be right back with a clean, nice smelling baby!"

Now.."Congratulations Mommy, let's put this little one on your chest, skin to skin is the best thing for both of you"

Anyway the list goes on..But some things don't change... Check in tomorrow to find out what habits are hard to break!!